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Yo
Jo
a
column by Joanne Casiello
Send
Joanne your question about homeschooling. Either email info@ahem.info
with Attn: Joanne in the subject field, or write to Joanne, c/o
AHEM, PO Box 1307, Arlington, MA 02474.
No
More Teaching to the Test
Dear
Joanne,
I've been homeschooling for two years. My kids are 9 and 10. I
still never feel as though I'm doing enough. I am so hung up on
testing, not sure whether it's going to show how well my children
are doing, because my curriculum is not on the same schedule (timeline).
I feel I am just making my kids frustrated and I'm feeling like
a failure. Do you have any advice?
Sincerely, R.
Dear
R.,
Toss
the tests over your shoulder and don't look back! Unless your
goal in homeschooling is to teach your kids how to be superb test
takers, there are a bazillion other ways to determine how "well"
your kids are doing. Tests have their place in society and the
ability to take all kinds of tests (essay, fill in the dot multiple
choice, and practical) is a good skill to learn along the way,
but it surely doesn't have to be the focus of your home education.
Flexibility
is the greatest good in homeschooling among the many gifts of
good things. If something isn't working for your child, drop it.
You don't have to fill the needs of the majority, use the only
materials the school administration purchased, or teach in the
mode currently fashionable as school classroom teachers have to
do. Suit the method to the child.
Take
some time to sit back and observe. Learn from your child. When
there is a skill that they want to gain, how do they go about
it? What was that child's style? Do they ride two wheeled bicycles?
Pay close attention to the way they gained that skill. One of
my sons, the organized left brained one, broke the task into pieces
with adult reinforcement of the idea of how to ride a bike. He
practiced each part, first gliding for a couple of weeks, feet
stuck out to the sides, then gliding feet-on-pedals, finally learning
to pedal. Our kinesthetic learner took his bike out to the backyard
alone in an all or nothing attempt for fifteen minutes, ran in,
furiously hopped up and down to express his frustration for five
minutes, ran back out for another all out physical attempt, back
in for more hopping, and so continued for about four hours at
which point he had entirely mastered the skill. Our third son
asked his brother to tell him how to ride a bike, the mechanics
and physics of the thing, before getting on his bike. Left-brained
verbal oldest son did a great job of explaining. Third son then
practiced with occasional sessions of questions on the physical
aspects allowing him to correct his technique. Fourth son watched,
and watched, and watched silently; got on his bike with perfect
mimicry of small muscle movements, and rode. We used what we observed
to choose the method of teaching for each child.
How
will you know when they have acquired a skill? They will use it,
and as a homeschooling mom, you will be there to see them do it.
Have them read to you and discuss what they have read in a casual
way as you might discuss a good book with a friend. Have them
use writing in practical ways such as making grocery lists. Start
a journal for just you and that child in which you write notes
to each other. Go to historical sites and encourage your kids
to tell you the stories of what happened there. Let them start
businesses of their own where they have to keep records, make
signs and brochures, and produce a product or service to sell.
Keep samples of their work, pictures of their projects, or their
entire business plan, to help remind you that they are learning
and growing. Watch them, interact with them, and enjoy them.
I also
agonized over how I was homeschooling my kids. Was I doing enough?
Too much? In the end, the kind of life that a child will create
or choose will ultimately depend on that child. And the very best
you can do is to remember to love them, hard, through it all.
Advice
on a Homeschooling Mom’s Freak Out
As
the big yellow school bus rolled away carrying the rest of the
kids in the neighborhood a young mother silently freaked out about
the decision she had made to homeschool her five year-old-daughter.
“What am I doing? This could be a really bad idea and I’m
going to ruin her life and she’ll hate me forever!”
she thought in a wonderful moment of absolute panic.
As the
mother of four young adults and aunt to 21 more kids from 7 -
33 years of age let me reassure that young mother that no matter
what decision you make about how to raise your child there will
come a time when that child will tell you it was wrong. There
will then come a later time when the child may decide to make
exactly the same decisions you did, with their own kids.
I have
added the mother’s prayer to my daily routine. “Dear
Lord, give them the strength to overcome any of the terrible things
I may have done.” My friend has her own version of the same
thing. She tells her teenagers, “Yeah, well when you are
adults in therapy because of me just make sure you tell the therapist
I love you.”
Another
solution to that feeling is to have several children. The more
kids you have the more you realize that you really don’t
have as much influence over their lives as you thought.
My sons
say that the reason all homeschool parents have that freaked out
feeling you describe is simple. When schooled kids turn out terribly
THEIR parents can blame the schools.
But
seriously, starting to homeschool is not like taking vows. You
can stop homeschooling anytime you want to stop (really, since
it is only mildly addictive). Your child is not yet five. If homeschooling
really doesn’t work for your family she can go to school
next year and have years to recover from your incompetence before
she is permanently damaged.
As to
the stakes being so high, there are some things you can do in
life that have immediate and irreversible repercussions. Stepping
out into the path of an oncoming truck could be one of them, but
many things you do in life can be reversed. If I overeat today
I can work it off at the gym tonight. If staying home doesn't
work for your child, she can go to school. Learning is a lifelong
process not one final exam. And you know what? Even if you fail
a final, you can take the class over.
Did
your daughter learn to walk and talk? Eat solid foods? Is she
toilet trained? Then you must have been homeschooling her all
along and didn't recognize it.
And
you know what? The worst feeling of freak out I had came as I
made the decision to homeschool, then disappeared for a long time
after we really experienced the joyful freedom of learning together
at home.
Some
at Home, Some at School
Can
you homeschool some children successfully while some of your other
children go to school?
Yes, of course, and many folks do so with great success and contentment
throughout the whole family. Built into my philosophy of homeschooling
is the job of facilitator: to find the best place and method to
learn what a child may want or need to learn. So, when my oldest
son decided to go to the Mass Academy of Math and Science for
his junior and senior year of high school, much to my surprise
he actually looked upon himself as still homeschooling rather
returning to school. In a speech he made at a teacher appreciation
banquet at the academy, to which he had invited his Dad and me,
he said we had always made it possible for him to seek the best
path to learn what he wanted to know, and that attending Mass
Academy was simply his current choice of where he would be homeschooling.
Yet,
I am glad we had the years being all together learning at home.
I once overheard a schooled friend shock my second son when he
stated matter-of-factly that his mother couldn't wait for school
vacation to be over so that he would be out of her hair. Wrapped
securely like a warm blanket around our homeschooling is the knowledge
of our sons that their parents like to be with them.
When
we were all at home we could suit our day to match our needs.
In glorious September sunshine we could decide to head to the
beach and study the tides. On cold, dark, November days we could
call a "drop everything and read day" dressed in pajamas,
wrapped in blankets, sipping hot chocolate. We could become heavily
involved in a research experiment and keep at it until bedtime.
Since no one had to get up at a specific time we could push bedtime
later if need be. We could visit museums and travel in off peak
seasons while other kids were schooling. Flexibility is my favorite
part of homeschooling.
Together
at home we shared the experience of the day. It was crucial that
the boys and I filled my husband and my oldest in with stories
of our day when they got home from work and school, in order for
them to slide back into their family place.
When
my oldest left our magic circle to return to school it was at
a time when he was already a fledgling, flexing his wings, and
clearly at a different stage of life than his brothers. At a similar
stage as they grew, each of my sons left the sibling nest and
ventured out alone into the world in internships or college classes
during their high school days.
If you
are comfortable with a schedule set from outside the family, if
you consistently seek what is right for each child at each point
in life, then having some kids schooled and some not may be a
natural progression. From my personal experience, homeschooling
was easiest and most productive when we were all homeschooling
together.
What
to Say When They Ask
A
new homeschooling mother once said she felt as if she were an
Alien trying to educate Earthlings on the topic of homeschooling.
Should she point out the advantages of homeschooling? Cite the
idea that parents know what is best for children? Change the subject?
I replied, "Yes. Depending upon which Earthlings you are
educating."
With
grandparents or others who truly love your child and also want
what is best for her, you reassure, point out advantages, point
out disadvantages of school, thank them for advice.
With
those who feel that your homeschooling is a silent attack on their
sending their child to school, you say that all of us are trying
to do the best for our families and this is the best choice for
you.
With
those who are truly asking why, you might encourage them to remember
their own school experiences and help them see how homeschooling
their child could be better. When they are concerned about socialization
get them to remember what school socialization is really like.
Remember bullies? Remember what recess was like? Remember being
homesick?
If you
are getting in touch with your inner female-of-the-dog-species,
you could point out how unnatural it is for anyone to want to
abandon their small, own flesh and blood to a bunch of strangers
to raise.
You
can tell them you had your child on purpose and plan to enjoy
every moment you have together.
I often
told my husband's Aunt, who had a very different philosophy of
life from mine, the most outrageous things. I told her we were
using little, plastic, educational placemats as our curriculum.
I told her I had no idea what other kids their age were capable
of and didn't care. I told her we never planned to wear shoes
and that my oldest was never planning to bathe again since he
was doing an experiment on bacteria and disease spread. She soon
stopped asking.
In choosing
to homeschool you have become a member of a minority, which means
that like any minority member you will sometimes be the only contact
those Earthlings have ever had with your kind. Your daughter will
be a poster child for her minority. That means when she comes
up with a new scientific theory, composes a masterpiece, and wins
a gold medal in the Olympics, those Earthlings will assume all
homeschoolers are like that. And if she stands up on stage when
accepting her Nobel Peace Prize, farts loudly, and picks her nose,
those Earthlings will assume all homeschoolers do that too. You
will be acclaimed saint or sinner depending upon the last piece
about homeschoolers in the news by those who don't really know
anything about homeschooling.
Your
mission, should you choose to accept it, is first to raise your
child in the best way that you can. Next, you should enjoy the
time you have together. And finally you must educate the world,
over, and over and over, one Earthling at a time.
Where
Do You Do Schoolwork?
"Where
do you do your schoolwork?" a visiting schooled child once
asked my son. My son was perplexed. "Where don't you do your
schoolwork?" would have been much easier to answer. From
that day forward we taught him to say, "The world is my classroom
and life is my teacher." It embodied our philosophy of education,
stopped questions and usually made the child's parents decide
we were left-over hippies. What follows is the true and complicated
answer to the schooled child's question.
While
our sons were growing up they each had a desk of their own which
was rarely used. In fact, we rarely used tables. We have only
recently begun to use chairs. Our kitchen table has a metal top.
It can be used as a fireproof bench for Chem lab, but table tops
can be a limiting space for projects. When one's feet may be the
paintbrush or one's body the canvas a table top is inadequate.
Projects and paperwork were usually spread across the floor.
The
kitchen floor is an easily washed linoleum where most painting,
gluing, sculpting, and wreathe making occurs. The living room
floor was hardwood that needed to be refinished. I never cringed
to hear toy trucks roll across it, physics experiments tumble,
or furniture rearranged to create a setting for a play. Once the
whole floor was covered by a giant piece of cardboard where our
small boys traced the outlines of their bodies then filled in
with pictures of their interior anatomy.
When we ran out of floor space we went up the walls. One wall
of the kitchen was a bulletin board that was simultaneously a
time line of World History and a place to dry hand woven baskets.
Living room walls ( and windows) were for mural painting and map
hanging. And of course all rooms were multi-functional.
The
12'x12' computer/sewing/library/trophy room also served as a place
to put projects in progress when guests came and we needed to
use the living room. Currently what would be the 12'x15' living
room on most floor plans does have a sofa and TV but also the
full size upright piano, spinet organ, the guitars, trumpets,
saxophone, sousaphone, recorders, amplifiers, harmonicas, percussion
instruments, shelves of music, microphones, and a video camera.
Craft materials are stored in my bedroom on shelves that go from
floor to ceiling. The basement is used to do metal and wood work,
laundry, bike repair, can be rearranged as a setting for DVD productions.
At one
time, the two youngest boys each built a private cubicle which
had their desk, computer (unattached to the Internet), and bureau.
As far as I can tell Damon used his to deposit piles of clean
laundry. Gabe used his to get away from all of us occasionally
and to write in his journal.
The
yard had a garden for each child. In the spring the rounded raised
beds of varying lengths of freshly turned earth looked suspiciously
like new graves and were a source of some apprehension for new
neighbors. Also adorning the back yard are a full size soccer
net, a volleyball net, a basketball hoop, a tree house, a campfire
circle, shitake mushroom logs, and a tire swing. It has had a
miniature golf course, a tiny framed clubhouse, holes to China,
prayer places, obstacle courses, pitch backs, swing sets, snow
sculptures, a sandbox big enough to bury a brother in, a dog run,
and recycled junk sculptures. Not too long ago it was the setting
for the scene from the fifth act of Hamlet where everyone dies.
The
driveway was for learning to ride two wheeled bikes, practicing
writing the alphabet in chalk, setting up a big wheel car wash,
yard sales, spray painting picnic tables, and learning to change
the oil on your truck. Learning took place in every nook and cranny
of our home, our yard, our car and spilled over into the rest
of the world. So, schooled child, where do we do our schoolwork?
Wherever we live and breathe, we learn.
Homeschooling:
The Adventure Never Ends
I'm
sure it was only yesterday that we began homeschooling our four
sons here in Worcester, MA, but when I glance around the house
I can't help noticing that I am the only one home. One of our
goals of homeschooling was to raise independent children who would
discover their gifts and go out into the world to use them. And
they do.
I'd
like to say that it was my infinite skill, wisdom, and patience
as a homeschooling parent that inspired my sons to become the
capable adults and nearly adults that they are now, but my sons
might read this, and they keep me honest.
A homeschool
support list member, impressed that my sons enjoy singing in choirs
and rock bands and play musical instruments, asked me how I had
accomplished this. I wrote about singing to them from before they
were born, always having musical instruments available, providing
music instructors, playing music together. Third son looking over
my shoulder said, "Um, if we were practicing music you wouldn't
call us to come do our math homework."
So my
four sons learned to be self-motivated, active learners because
as long as they looked productive, I didn't stop and make them
do something else. They learned rapidly that if they mentioned
boredom, I might suggest they clean their rooms. If they fought
with each other, I might decide it was a good time for a spelling
lesson. Small boys engrossed in building with Legos, writing plays,
painting pictures, designing science experiments, repairing bicycles,
reading books, creating costumes, editing videos, inventing mechanical
devices, or raising livestock were not interrupted.
From
their parents' example they learned what they loved and what they
hated. If you have parents who give you a quick lesson in drosophilae
gender identification and state of reproductivity when they hand
capture random fruit flies that happen to zigzag past the dinner
table you either grow up to be an animal science major like our
second son, or to avoid college bio classes completely by becoming
a software engineer like our first.
This
homeschooling adventure led us down paths I had never anticipated.
I carry snapshots in my head of sons halter training a camel in
the snow, bargaining in Spanish in a market in Honduras, singing
in a cathedral in England wearing the formal vestments of choir
boys, barefoot while picking tomatoes under the hot sun with a
woman from Cameroon. I shake my head in disbelief remembering
that while dressed in four layers of winter clothing I videotaped
a son in shorts and jersey playing a crucial soccer game in a
near blizzard.
Along
the way I learned that if a son said he could do something, he
probably could. Who was I to tell my fourteen-year-old that boys
do not learn to dance jazz tap in talent shows by watching old
movies, attaching metal plates to sneakers and practicing for
two months in the basement to Duke Ellington? He did it and his
act was a huge hit.
The
official homeschooling adventure is nearly over for us. John Paul
is married, living in Boston, a graduate of Northeastern University
working as a software engineer. Ben is a senior at UMASS Amherst
majoring in animal science and spending his summers working for
Heifer International. Damon spent the summer as an intern in an
engineering research and development department of St. Gobain.
He'll finish his associate's degree in engineering at Quinsigamund
Community College this year and transfer from there to a four
year college as he moves towards a career in either material or
bio-engineering, or maybe both. Gabe, at 16, the only one to officially
still be homeschooling, works as a lifeguard, swim team coach,
and makes training videos for lifeguard training courses. His
formal internships in carpentry began this year as he continues
to explore career options that mesh with his interests. The official
adventure may be almost over, but the thrill of finding the best
place and way to learn what you want to learn, I hope, will never
end.
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The
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